Strength in Crumbles

How do I find the words to write about a topic that I never thought I’d ever have to think about? My beautiful niece is 22 years old, married, with an amazing 9-month-old baby girl – and she has cancer. Last Friday her doctor informed her that the 8x6cm mass in her chest was Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. Today, one week later she found out that there are two new tumors in her chest. The doctor wants her to have a full body scan to ensure there are no other tumors in her body. She will start chemotherapy soon but needs to wait about a week because she’s still nursing her baby and needs to wean her to bottle feeding. Doctors are hoping to have more conclusive results by the middle of next week that will reveal whether her cancer is stage three or stage four. This will further determine whether or not she will need a bone marrow transplant.

People tell me I’m strong in dealing with the things I’ve been through in my life, but I’ve never had to find the inner strength that my niece has had since her world flipped upside down only a week ago. She’s always had such a positive attitude about life, seeking only the simple things for her and her young family. It should be no surprise then that she could find the positive in this situation as well. After a brief period of questioning why this is happening to her, she concluded, in the most humble way that, if somebody had to get cancer, it should be her. There was no arrogance or sarcasm or anger in her line of thinking. It should be her, she said, because she’s young, she’s healthy, and she’s strong. She can get through this. And I have no doubt that she will win this battle raging in her body right now.

I hesitated writing about this, but it’s absorbing my thoughts right now. I found myself crumbling inside for her, and her husband and daughter, and for my sister who would take this from her if only she could have that power. Then I felt guilty for allowing myself to crumble inside after she’s shown so much strength. But I realized that falling apart is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of being human. It doesn’t mean that I don’t have faith for her to get through this. It simply means that I love her so very much. To try to suppress the massive amount of emotions coursing through me would be an attempt to suppress the love I have for my niece and her family. That’s not something I can do.

I’m impressed by her strength to see the other side of this journey in such a positive light. I know that, even though there will be difficult days, and possibly difficult weeks, she will be healthier and stronger when this is all over with. It’s going to be a rough six months, but she has a terrific support system in place. She has an amazing husband who will balance her emotions. Her mom and sister will be there whenever they can. She even has mom-friends who are also nursing babies and who plan to donate breast milk for her daughter. She is blessed! She will win this battle!